not sure what to say or do

Do you ever have those moments when you know you need to communicate and yet you keep avoiding it? That’s what this post is all about. I’ve been trying to think of what I might write about this month. Yes, I do have some fun family photos to share from my trip home at the beginning of this month. I can praise God for the amazing night I had at a local church in Indiana sharing my heart and having members of the congregation pray over me. But I struggle in the tension between what is and isn’t happening on the outside and what is happening on the inside.

This still, small voice tells me to stop. And yet I keep responding, “No, just one more letter, just one more appointment, just one more e-mail. Maybe this time I’ll get a yes, maybe this will be the event that will push me to my support-raising goals.” In all the hustle and bustle I lose sight of the One who called me. I lose sight of the grace that has even carried me to 40 percent of my monthly support. This journey is much more than gathering $50-a-month pledges. It’s a journey of faith. A journey that is hard and one that my faith is being stretched much more than I’d like it to some days. It’s a journey of tears and wondering how long the waiting season will be. This blog post is coming at a time when I’m at the bottom of my barrel. I’m not exactly sure what to do next. And I think the “to do” is my biggest wall.

This morning I read the story of Joshua and the walls of Jericho. It was part of a Beth Moore study I’m doing about Believing God. Beth pointed out that Joshua was a warrior who was skilled with his sword. Yet when it came for the walls of Jericho to come tumbling down and the Israelites to take the city God didn’t use Joshua’s sword. He said, march around the city once for the next six days and then on the seventh go around seven times. Then have the people shout and the horns to blow and the city will be yours. Can you imagine what Joshua must have been thinking? Huh?! Talk about faith steps.

Most days I’m more or less trying to chisel the wall down whether in this missions adventure of raising support or even on a more personal level of who I am. I’m working as hard as I can to make a dent and yet the only way it will happen is by God’s grace. He’s the only one that can bring down every obstacle and stronghold in my life. A good friend pointed out that I use the words “I need to . . .” when talking about this journey I’m on. She’s so right. What would it look like in my life to walk around the walls and wait on God to take down the walls?

Maybe you are a “I need to . . .” person as well. Join me in prayer this week as we sit at His feet and soak in His presence, realizing that everything that truly is needed has already been done.

family, friends and fun times
During this trip I got to spend some time with my nephew Kaleb. Whether it was at the zoo or playing at my parents’ house we had a lot of laughs. He even found a new use for my Chacos (as a guitar).

I also got to have a blast from the past when I had lunch with two friends from junior high Renee and Kristen and their kiddos. Thanks for such a fun time!!

I’d love to hear what summer plans you have and how I can pray for you. Thank you for your prayers, support and journeying with me.


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