fearfully and wonderfully made

“I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:14)

I am still here. Promise! For those of you not on Facebook or other social media outlets you probably are wondering what’s happened to me. Today is day 93! We’re one week from the big 100 days post transplant. 

Since I got home I continued to improve. I was getting out of the house with my mask, and long sleeved clothing in the middle of July. I hung out with friends in their homes, went to little league baseball games, celebrated my 34th birthday and just tried to enjoy life, even with my limitations. My counts would go up and down as expected, but nothing seemed pressing. My questions were: so when can I pick up where I left off, go back to work, serve with the youth,  join a Bible study?? I was ready to move forward, but God continues to say, Wait. Be. Still. Know. I AM. God. 

August 9 I got a phone call around noon that said my blood counts from a specific test were back and I had a virus. They said I needed to immediately come to UK and start on IV medication that I would continue at home for at least two weeks. I cried. Not necessarily because I had a virus but because I was sad that this disease again had ruined all of my plans. I had planned to hang with a friend that afternoon, to slowly work my way back into serving with the youth on Sunday nights and now I was again tied to an IV pole in my home for 8 hours a day. 

The moment I started on this medication it made me very sick. My poor momma had to drive home from Lexington that Aug. 9 evening while I was getting sick next to her. I continued to try to take this medication as I was supposed to, but even with anti-nausea medications I was still getting very sick whether from nausea or migraines. By the time August 23 arrived I was at the end of my rope, I told mom that I had to be admitted into the hospital. 

They wanted us to be in Lexington, so I did what I never ever wanted to do again. Talk about facing fears. Yuck! Here I was back on the third floor of the Markey Cancer Center. Different room, different view, different scenario. For a good week they did everything they could to get my nausea under control so I wouldn’t throw up the medication. Honestly once they started to give me so much medication I don’t remember much. I’m so thankful for the family and friends I had there to ask questions and take in the information they were receiving from the doctors. They began to notice in my bloodwork that this medication wasn’t even working. The virus numbers were getting larger. Then one of the doctors did more research and discovered that this virus is possibly connected with the stem cell donation I received. It could be in the DNA of the cells as a latent virus, not an active one inside of me. 

We are still waiting for confirmation, but they immediately took me off the medication, I am now home and am slowly regaining strength, appetite, etc. A friend said to me, They could put you on all the anti-nausea drugs in the world, but your body knew it didn’t need that medication because you’re fearfully and wonderfully made. God knew all along! HE was holding me and carrying me! HE is so HUGE and understands the smallest intricate cells in my body. HE knows how these new cells are working with my bone marrow. I’m not sure how HE will use all of this. But I hope HE will bring glory to HIS name. 

On Monday we go back for our weekly Lexington appointment. I wonder what HE will teach us. Pray for discernment with what questions to ask, how to proceed and for these new cells to have graphed 100 percent into my bone marrow. Continue to pray against infection and graph versus host disease. Pray that we will reflect HIM to everyone we come in contact with that day. 

Remember all those questions I was asking before: Okay, God, let’s get on with the show! Yep, those don’t matter anymore. 

Be. Still. Know. I AM. God. 

To have HIM is to have Everything – period. All of the other stuff will get figured out when it needs to be. 

“Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” (Romans 5:1-5)

Thank you for your continued prayers!! 

2 thoughts on “fearfully and wonderfully made

  1. Hi Krishana, You do not know me but I know your Aunt Viv (Gordon?). We met on redbubble and have been praying foryou. Last night as I prayed God gave me a vision of red rivulet like streams flowing down your body: a cleansing by His blood! God is Almighty! Glory to God. It is great to read your latest progress and surely it is all Glory to the Living God. We will continue to pray.

  2. Hi Krishana, You do not know me but I know your Aunt Viv(Gordon?) I met her on redbubble and we have been praying for you. Last night as I pray God gave this me this picture of red rivulets running dow nyour body: a cleansing of the bloodstream by His Blood. I had no idea your plight apart from the fact you had been battling this cancer. Glory to God. He is Almighty! We give Him praise and honour. We shall continue to pray for total restoration.

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